Rebound Relationship
Why is it that some men can jump into a new relationship quickly after breaking up with their girl-friend whom they may claim to love very much? Does age make a difference? *eyes rolling*
That's the question I asked at facebook recently, as I am quite puzzled that someone I know was 'engaged' with a new love soon after a relationship breakup few months ago. It was quite a surprise! I received some insightful answers from my male friends below:
There are mainly 2 type of guys who would jump into new relationship fast and swift.
1) The more familiar type, he flirts.
2) The lesser known, but noble. He truly loves both girls. Rather than tearing everybody down with his wishy-washy. He cuts it clean. It is least agonizing for all party.
- David
So here are my thoughts:
1) he confused love with lust. When the lusting feeling is gone, he moves on.
2) he is a predator / hunter / pursuer. He catches his prey. Consumes and then pursues fresh game.
3) prefers a relationship to being alone
4) he lied
5) he hopes it will sooth the pain and emptiness he feels.
- Richard
REBOUND" but it depends on why he broke up with her in the first place. Age usually wouldn't matters. You're asking for an answer to generalise every MEN (or women) out there in the world knowing very well that no 2 persons are the same.
- Chris
geeeh.... these are guys' answers, so must be quite correct? A check on "What is a rebound relationship?" helps me understand the "why" even more. It says:
A "rebound relationship" is one in which a person becomes overly quick to commit to a new partner after having experienced an upsetting breakup or divorce. People who have breakups and then immediatley involved themselves with someone else seem to feel the need to prove to themselves they are worthy of love and affection. They may miss the comfort and affection of a regular relationship. But whatever the reason is, it is a selfish reason, one that is based on serving the self esteem and satisfying feeling of personal worth. "Someone loves me and needs me." It can also be to affirm "I wasn't at fault in the breakup, this relationship will prove that." Most of these rebound relationships are not permanent, and they can be even more destructive than the earlier breakup.
read more....
Are you on the rebound? More advice found here...
Ah, I think to be closed up to new relationship after a breakup is a lesser evil than to have a rebound relationship, which will ends with 2 people being hurt further (especially the 'innocent' party). :P
Labels: questions, relationship
posted by buzybee at
Friday, October 26, 2007
5 Comments:
Hey! Cheater, cheater, sneakily getting other people to do your blog.
It is true that the root impulse can be generalized as selfishness to meet and satisfy ones own needs and desire.
However, they cannot all be held to the same standard. A man whose girlfriend / wife breaks the relationship and his heart is grieving and hurting. It is true that rushing into a relationship is the wrong thing to do because he will only end up hurt the other woman. Most likely. Who knows, there is a chance it is true love (but I wouldn't bet on it).
It is an irrational reaction stemming from pain, not a deliberate action. If I pinch you, you will jump. It was not a rational decision, it was a reaction to the pain of pinching you.
I still don't think it is justifiable, but most humans are not like me.
And, as we had all said, this sort of behaviour is not exclusive to men. bleh. :P
hahahaha...... no la. just doing research ma.:P Guess what will be my next question? ;)
"If I pinch you, you will jump. It was not a rational decision, it was a reaction to the pain of pinching you."
Well, if you "jump", it won't hurt anyone (so it's ok), unlike if you make someone fall in love with you and then ditch her later when your pain is gone. Right?
That means, if a "reaction" is going to hurt someone or ourselves then it must be put in control. That's why Galation 5:22-23 says:
22But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
For gals, the tendency to do this is lesser, with some exceptions of course. Most I know will 'crawl into their closet' and become very withdrawn, some may even harm themselves physically. It's not good either. And if they are on a rebound relationship, they tend to let it be known to the guys they are dating, to be fair.
I Agree that we must respond in the most responsible way possible.
The truth is that most will not. Even Christians have been known to make war, not love.
If I pinch you, of course you can hurt someone, you just don't do it intentionally as your hand flies back and smacks some poor child in the nose (that you didn't see and didn't think about when you reacted).
Of coursde, we can debate endlessly, but I think we are in agreement that the reaction is wrong.
"you just don't do it intentionally as your hand flies back and smacks some poor child in the nose (that you didn't see and didn't think about when you reacted)."
In the court of law, the parent of this child can sue you, even though it is unintentional. ;)
Unfortunately, there is no law to punish those who hurt another emotionally, be it intentional or not. *sigh*
There is a Divine Law.
In a perfect world, there would be no pain.
Unfortunately, people cause one another pain, sometimes unintentionally, and sometimes deliberately.
Deliberate pain is inexcusable.
Unintentional pain comes with varying degrees of responsibility. There is no question that the best is for the hurt person to be healed and to be supported through their pain. Most times we are just told to "get over it".
Of course, we also get foolish prescriptions for drunkenness and promiscuity to deal with pain. We turn a blind eye and accept it as a normal part of healing. Some even go as far as to condone it, arranging weekends of debauchery as a way of dealing with the pain.
Pain is one of the reasons I believe we are perfectly created in the image of God. All that God created was good, but we are so like Him that we have the power of creation and all too often we use it to create ugliness and pain. sigh.
Peace be with you.
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